Shame about how I feel about myself

Stien – 17.07.21

I woke up this morning, quite happily, went to make myself a coffee and suddenly had one of those dreaded moments where I felt bad about the old self. The old me. If I’m in the middle of my space, it’s on the outer rim. As far as the east is from the west, it’s all gone. Yesterday my little girl said something similar… “Do you ever remember things that you wish you’d never said, and how embarrassing you were when you were younger?” Yes. Sometimes it’s all I can think about. Sometimes it goes away for ages. But for God it’s gone. He took it away. Why am I wallowing in imaginary misery?

It is easy to feel overwhelmed whenever shame creeps in. It is easy to wallow, but if I were giving someone else advice, I would say, “Take captive every thought.” What do I do once I’ve taken thought captive? What is the next step? Perhaps… “Cast your burdens onto Jesus…” and he really does care … and “In everything give thanks.” So I can thank God that he took my sin and shame. I can thank God that he cares about the inside and the feelings, about the rawness of pain that resurfaces from a hundred years ago. I can thank him for making all things new. I’ll take my own advice.

It’s funny, because what bothers me won’t bother other people. They won’t remember the things that bother me. They can’t imagine what sticks in my mind. I am a new creation. I’ve been made new. Nothing can separate me from him, from his love. Not even the things that bother me. So, it’s a shame how I feel about myself, but it’s just feelings.